You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
