I hope mine doesn't look like that
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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