erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
