it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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