I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
