Pappa wants mamma naked
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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