C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
