2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
