:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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