Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
