I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
