Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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