Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
