you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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