Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
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Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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