And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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