you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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