i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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