Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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