Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
