is your mom at the bar?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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