If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
