I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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