So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i think my cat just said my name.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
