i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
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I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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