I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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