You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
