I want to make a zoo with you.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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