You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
