i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
