If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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