I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
