maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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