you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
