I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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