I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
