Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
