Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
