I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Who died my cat blue again?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize