No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
