good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
