Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
