Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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