so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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