**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
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It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
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