He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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