The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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