WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
