My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
