She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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