omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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