My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
