i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
