either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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