my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You are a genius and a whore.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
