we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
