Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
