it wasn't lemon gatorade
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
