I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
