I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
