Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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