you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
