I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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