you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
