YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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