Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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